Community Blessingway

This past weekend I attended a community Blessingway put on by Gelena Hinkley of Peaceful Pregnancy Pathways ~P3.  I wasn't sure what to expect since I know a gathering of this type isn't easy to put together.  Especially since Gelena was relying on the community to donate resources, which takes time and effort to seek out and coordinate.

The setting took place in Gelena's backyard.  She formed a circle with bales of hay and chairs, topped with trinkets and papers for the expecting mothers to keep.  In front of the seats of the expecting mothers were tubs filled with water, bath salts, & flowers for us to soak our feet in. 

My good friend, doula, and massage therapist, Doula Quackenbush, was there giving foot massages to all the mothers.  What a treat that was!

  Photos taken by Keiki Torres of EKTPhotography

Candles were handed out and lit for well wishes, birth stories were shared, beaded bracelets infused with good intentions for our upcoming births were created. 

  

Photos taken by Keiki Torres of EKTPhotography

One part that I thought was extra neat was when Gelena read a write up, shared by Maria, on how the drum is connected to pregnancy and birth.   

"The Drum represents the "Universal" Heart Beat of Mother Earth. Grandparents say when an unborn child is developing, the first thing they hear is the heartbeat of the mother. The round form of the Drum represents the Circle of Life and the whole Universe. The Drum also represents the womb and the stick is the male energy, so play the drum is a way to “make love” with the Universe. Beating the drum is also a way of carrying songs and prayers to the Creator and healing the sick. This healing rhythm that we hear when singing or dancing, creates a sense of social and spiritual harmony, and help us to achieve a higher level of consciousness and openness. The space of our mind is cleared of thoughts that chat about worries, and we connect with our Creative Force, we awaken our Interior Power"  -shared by Maria Elena Penadés of Childbirth Services Inc.

Maria then led everyone in a song blessing each mother individually.  Fears were written down and thrown into the flame via a pitchfork.  All while drums were playing in the background which made for a neat ambiance. 

  Photos taken by Keiki Torres of EKTPhotography

Even goodies were handed out at the end.  Belly salves, bath salts, and other goodies that are very practical and useful for pregnancy and postpartum.   The community really came through which was really nice!

Every mother was sent home with a write up titled, "Transitioning Into a New Paradigm of Birth".  I read it when I got home and was super encouraged at what I read.  There was one particular part that stuck out to me given my own revelations.  In addition to my heightened perceptiveness, I had quite a few old hurts come up this particular pregnancy.  It occurred to me that perhaps the sensitivity we experience during pregnancy has a purpose.  That the old hurts and our increased awareness to what is going on around us is a gift, rather than the curse it is often treated as.  

Here's the part that resonated deeply with me...

"The hormones essential in pregnancy encourage a woman to become more sensitive, aware and perceptive. Anything not in alignment with her deepest truth can surface and within these heightened moments it is vital that she feel and express whatever arises during this time, rather than suppressing or dismissing these sensitivities as merely ‘hormones’. More so, these powerful emotions are windows to deeper healing, giving access to any unresolved issues and subconscious blocks prior to birth. By honoring these emotions and supporting a woman to connect within, she can feel and release unresolved emotions, enabling her to access her intuition, her body wisdom, so she can enter the sacred spiral of birth as a clear channel for this energy to flow freely through and emerge transformed into motherhood."  

That section pretty much confirmed what I have been experiencing this pregnancy and questioning.  It was such a treat to read it coming from a different source!  I have to say that I'm so glad that I made this connection, since I believe it will help me serve women with more understanding and support in this area.

All in all it was a very relaxing & insightful event!  It was nice to be pampered, but more so it was such a treat to be able to leave the event better prepared for my own birth mentally, physically, & spiritually.  I'm so thankful that Gelena and those who helped put the time in effort in to coordinate.  It was a wonderful gift to the community she serves. 

Third Trimester Update

As pregnancy #3 winds to an end, I've been very busy tying up loose ends and making last minute preparations.  I've made a lot of great connections and participated in some amazing trades of products and services. 

I enjoyed my last birth as a doula the end of May.  The birth story is here in case you missed it.  I have to say that I'm so glad I decided to take that last one on.  The couple both happen to be photographers and got some amazing photos of the birth which can be found here.  The wife has also offered to photograph my baby's birth who is due in July, which I am thrilled about.  Their page is Three Plus Studio Photography for anyone interested in maternity, birth, or newborn photos.

I made a set of postpartum pads in exchange for preserving my belly via a cast.  I'm super excited to see the end result since this mama, who also serves as a doula, is very talented with both her casting techniques and artwork she applies to the finished product.  Her Facebook page is Blossoming Beginnings.

 
It was a neat thing to have done, as it reconnected me to the beauty of pregnancy and miracle that is taking place inside of me.  Things we easily forget in the daily hustle and flow of life as we near the end of pregnancy with all the aches and discomforts.  Similar to how we forget that we are actually birthing a baby when we hit the most intense part of labor.  
 

I found some time to make my lovely midwife a gift.  It's a baby weighing sling for her to use during her newborn assessments.  I was told that she likely has many, but I figured she didn't have one made with the lovely fabric and rings that I use to make my very own Nurturing Notions wraps & slings.  I also will be gifting her a beautiful pendant made by my favorite doula artist, The Mandala Journey.

Finally I wrapped things up by documenting this pregnancy via maternity photos.  The five below were taken by a good friend in her backyard.  She also got some beautiful intimate shots that I'm sure I'll cherish for a long time to come.

We also had some shots taken as a family Sunday evening at a beautiful setting in Parkland.  Below are some sneak peaks.  I'm excited to see the rest of the shots she captured on our outing.  Her page is Kelly Coulson Photography for those interested in maternity or newborn sessions.  She's also seeking to add birth photography to her portfolio, so definitely contact her if interested!

Now it's just a waiting game.  I'll be 37 weeks this coming Friday, so baby can safely come whenever he or she desires at that point.  I'll likely be focusing more on the house and getting things prepared for the home birth and such.

Also need to keep the kids somewhat entertained being it's now summer break and my 6 year old is enjoying his time off from school.  So I'm not exactly sure how much time I'll have to devote to my Nurturing Notions baby, but I will try and update on my page every now and again as we transition from a family of 4 to being a family of 5.  Super exciting stuff!  :-)  

Hospital Water Birth

This family found me through Hypnobabies.  I was not planning on taking anymore births since I wanted to give myself enough time to prepare for my own upcoming birth in July.  Though when I got the initial email my heart was immediately drawn to this family.  It's hard to pinpoint exactly what the attraction was, but I knew that I needed to consider this opportunity further based on how our online communication went.  

Not only did this family need support for their Hypnobabies preparation, but they were seeking a water birth with a midwife who had just recently started practicing again.  This particular midwife had taken a break after being restricted from offering families alternative options typically found in out of hospital birth settings. 

The hospital they chose has a water birth policy in effect (where babies can actually be born in the water), but having that reality actually transpire is a different story given the hospitals sparse experience with it.  The fact that few providers have experience with this mode of birth makes it a bit tricky too.  So it seemed to me that this midwife choice might be the ticket for this family to have this option actually manifest.  

I knew that this family could use all the support they could get, and I was excited at the prospect to be a part of the team.  I was thrilled when they told me the news that they wanted to hire me.  :-)

Here is the story, written by the mother...

Maili's Birth Story

I think my story starts with the cultural back ground surrounding birth in my home country, Brazil, and with my first baby’s birth.  Most people today are aware of the high c-section rates in Brazil, and how most of its population truly believes that a c-section is safer than a vaginal birth.  Growing up I don’t remember meeting one single woman that had had a vaginal birth by choice, and I always thought that the way to bring a baby into this world was via surgery.  8 years ago I moved to the States, met my husband and got married. In 2010 I got pregnant with our first son, and since I like to be informed when doing something, I started doing some serious research on pregnancy and birth.

A good friend of mine had just had a baby the day I found I was pregnant, and she had a natural birth at the hospital in Honolulu, where we were living at the time.  Her experience was pivotal in my decision to have a vaginal birth, and to try for a natural birth at the hospital.  I went to a couple of days shy of 42 weeks with a hard cervix, so my OB scheduled an induction for that weekend. Needless to say, the experience wasn't the best. But my son was born vaginally and healthy, and I was happy to have been able to avoid a c-section and to prove to myself that my body could birth vaginally.

Fast-forward to September 2012 when I found out I was pregnant again. We had just moved to South Florida a few months before, and were still getting settled. I knew I wanted a natural birth, and was excited to find out that a hospital in Coral Springs offered water births as an option. 

Finding a provider was very hard! I didn't have insurance and had to rule out the possibility of seeing an OB. For me that was very strange, since we rely so much on doctors in Brazil. When I decided to see a midwife, I was confronted by a lot of people in my family, who thought I was crazy for not seeing a doctor.

Finding a midwife that would attend a birth in a hospital was very hard. Finding one that did a water birth at the hospital was even harder! When I was 4 months pregnant I finally found a midwife who coincidentally helped implement the water birth option in this particular hospital. She had stopped attending births for a few years and had just gotten back into action. I was very lucky! I loved her on our first consult, and saw in her a confidence that gave me motivation and strength after feeling so tired with all the searching I had been doing.

Throughout my pregnancy I had a “feeling” that my baby girl would come earlier, but I refused to believe it so I wouldn't be disappointed. My biggest and only fear was going past the 40 weeks and having to be induced again.

At my 38 weeks appointment my cervix was still very high, so the midwife said I would probably not see any action that week. She had already let me know that on that particular weekend of the 17th through the 20th she would not be on call because it was her father’s memorial service on the 17th and she was taking the time to be with her family. I prayed hard that my baby wouldn't come on the 17th because, of course, I wanted her there and not some on call doctor that would probably not go for a water birth.

On the evening of the 17th, a Friday, I started having some intense surges. I sat on my birthing ball and went through my Hypnobabies queues. I timed them and they were consistently 10 minutes apart.They lasted for at least 4 hours, and then they stopped at around 9 pm. I breathed a sigh of relief, and even posted on my Instagram how I had had a false alarm!

I got my son ready for bed, who had had a fever for the last 2 nights (so no sleep for me for 2 nights!) and went to bed with him. He was very restless and kept wanting to lie down on my belly, and kept stroking my belly in his sleep. At 3 am I started feeling mild surges again. I started timing them and they were 5 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds each. Lying on my side was making me miserable, so I got up for a snack and to drink some water and at 5 am my son woke up energized, fever free and wanting to play. Getting up hadn't stopped the surges, so I woke my husband at 6 am and told him I was having mild surges every 5 minutes and that I was going to get in the tub and that he better get up and stay with our son.

I stayed in the tub for a couple of hours, then my son joined me for a bath. The surges were still consistent. I texted Lorel, my doula, to give her a heads up, but I still was very doubtful that this was “it”.

My mom and dad were already staying with us, having come from Brazil for the birth. My mom got up when I was in the tub and I told her this might be it, but I wasn't sure yet.  Lorel texted me again to see if I was still having surges,and I wrote her “Do you think this is it? I’m so confused. It’s hard to be sure.”  I was mainly worried that this was the real deal, and that my midwife wouldn't be able to make it to the hospital. I think that’s why I had a hard time figuring out and actually accepting that I really was in labor.

I got out of the tub after a while to see if the surges would last longer or come closer together. When they started lasting about 1 minute I decided it was time to call my midwife and let her know what was going on, and to see how we would work this out. I also let Lorel know that she could come over now.

The midwife said when I couldn't walk or talk through my surges that I should head to the hospital, which was 30 minutes away. She also said that if it was later that day, she might be able to make it to the hospital, so to keep her posted.

I napped a little between surges, and was very comfortable lying in bed on my own. I had been listening to my Hypnobabies tracks since 3 am, so I switched to some music for a change. When Lorel arrived I had just had some lunch, so I tried the birthing ball for a while. The whole time I was home in early labor I dealt with the surges better if left on my own. The moment I hit active labor was when I felt the need to lean against someone and have someone hold me through the surges. I was very quiet and very calm. Even though I was tracking my surges, I wasn't aware of time.

At around 3 pm Lorel suggested I get in the shower, since I was starting to feel pressure on my back. I showered for around 20-30 minutes and my husband would hold me whenever I had surges.  

When I got out of the shower the surges were about a minute long and 2 to 3 minutes apart. I called the midwife to let her know and to ask if she thought I should head to the hospital. I remember having a surge when I was talking to her and I was able to keep talking somehow, my voice never wavered. She said to go, especially because this was my second baby and because we lived a little ways from the hospital. She said to let the hospital know to call her when I arrived and that she was still trying to see if she would be able to go or not.

My Hypnobabies training was definitely paying off. I didn't feel tired at all even with 3 sleepless nights, and I was laughing and talking and smiling between my surges. I was also feeling no pain at all, just pressure, and nothing overwhelming.

My mother-in-law had already arrived at our house at this point, as she and my dad were going to stay with my 2-year-old son. We all got ready, and I think around 4 pm we left for the hospital.

Around 4:35 pm we were checking in at the hospital. I was able to sign all the papers and give the clerk information in between my surges. When I was finally taken to triage and got checked I was at 6 cm! I was so excited! That was when I finally believed I was in labor and that I would really have this baby that day. I was also very happy when the nurse said the midwife was on her way. A huge weight I didn't even know I was carrying was lifted off of my shoulders!

At around 5:30 pm the nurse took my husband and me to the birthing room, and my mom and Lorel joined us there. My husband then went back to the car to get the birthing tub and the gear to set it up, and my mom and Lorel stayed with me. They were putting cold compresses on my forehead, which felt so good, and Lorel put ear phones on me so I could listen to my Hypnobabies tracks and tune out all the commotion in the room. All the nurses that came in were very helpful and kept saying it was great I was going natural, and they were just very supportive. They were also very curious about us bringing the tub in, since the hospital has a couple of rooms with a built in tub, but the midwife had recommended I bring my own tub.

A little before 6 pm I was having to moan through surges, but still no pain at all. Just pressure. That’s around the time the midwife arrived. My husband and Lorel were setting up the tub, and I had the baby heart monitor on. This was the only unpleasant part, as I had to sit in bed and that made the surges get more intense, the position was also very uncomfortable.

A few minutes after 6 pm Sheila told me to go pee and then to get in the tub. The water was a little too warm for me, so they had some cold water running for a while. That felt great! My husband held me and kept telling me to breathe and to relax. I could also hear Lorel’s voice going through the Hypnobabies queues and keeping me centered and in my “bubble of peace”. I was already moaning very loudly, and after only a few minutes in the tub and about 4 or 5 surges later, I felt my waters release with a pop and a gush at around 6:30 pm. I was in the middle of a strong surge, moaning, when I felt it, and I stopped moaning to say “my water just broke!”

After this I immediately hit transition and had one surge on top of the other, with almost no breaks. This is the part where it got intense. I entered my own world and I couldn't really see or hear anything around me. I remember hearing voices but I simply couldn't respond or think without having to leave my own world. I felt like the animal inside me was released, and all I could focus on was my baby being born and the intensity of the moment. I started roaring, mainly to deal with the pressure and intensity of the all the sensations and with the fact I didn't feel in control at all. I was also holding back on pushing, even though I felt like it. When I finally let go, and let my body do its thing, it felt a lot better. I was holding onto my husband’s neck like there was no tomorrow!

I felt lots of burning and knew the baby’s head had to be right there. I tried to not push so fast and hard to avoid a tear, since I had a third degree tear last time. I heard the midwife say that my baby was right there and she was coming out real soon! I could feel my baby’s head putting pressure on me and then go in again.

I remember saying out loud “come on Maili”, and visualizing her coming out. When I couldn't take the burning any longer, I pushed with all that I had and the head was out. My legs were very tense and the midwife kept telling me to relax them, but I just couldn't. She decided to flip me over on my knees for the shoulders and body to come out. At 6:55 pm, as soon as I was flipped over I pushed and felt the shoulders bump against my pubic bone and then my baby girl was born!

They helped me turn around and maneuver my leg around the cord, and she was immediately placed in my arms. I was overwhelmed with happiness and the feeling of accomplishment. I had been able to birth exactly as I had dreamed of and now my baby girl was in my arms, all 7 lbs 12.5 oz of her. We snuggled for a good 10 minutes in the tub, my husband cut the cord and then I got out of the tub to birth the placenta and see if I had any tears (which I did, a second degree one).

The midwife was simply awesome in advocating for my natural water birth at the hospital. She was on top of things and on top of the staff to get her what she needed. She didn't even give me any Pitocin after the birth because breastfeeding was so successful and my bleeding was under control. 

My husband and my mom were my rock, supporting me in everything and letting me do my thing. And Lorel, who I found and met only a few weeks before giving birth, kept me centered throughout the little but intense time we were at the hospital. Having a doula was really invaluable, and I’m glad I decided to look for one even being 30+ weeks pregnant at the time. It was a perfect match, and as Lorel said: “it was meant to be”.

I still can’t get over the fact that I really went through this whole experience. It seems like a dream. My daughter’s birth was definitely empowering, and I now trust my body in ways I hadn't before. Through out the whole experience I never thought about giving up, or that I couldn't take it, or that I wanted pain medication – that’s how awesome it was!

It was a long road to get me where I am today, but I am so thankful that I was able to break free from the birthing stereotypes I carried with me my whole life. I also thank God because he really did answer that prayer of me not having my baby on the 17^th! She was born the very next day, on the 18^th!

Birth Center Transfer Due to High Blood Pressure

This birth story has been a long time coming.  This was the second birth I supported for my certification as a doula.  My friend had intended on a birth center birth, but when her blood pressure would not come down for anything and protein showed up in her urine a transfer was in order.

Here is her story...

The Birth Story of June Ryan

The night before I went into labor Sean (my partner) went out with some family. His cousin Paul and his girlfriend Kathleen were in town from PA. They went out for a little and I remember being angry because I knew I was giving birth any day. When he got home that night we drove to a 24 hour donut shop, Dandee Donuts, and I had a grilled cheese, hash browns and an assortment of donuts. This night was no different from any night towards the end of my pregnancy, in that I was suffering from extreme insomnia.

I didn't feel nervous, but the excitement of what was about to happen must have been keeping me awake. I would lay on the couch in front of the TV night after night watching crappy TV until the sun came up. Like I said, this night was no different. I probably fell asleep around 5-6am and was shortly awakened by what felt like menstrual cramps. It wasn't terribly painful but it was enough to wake me up. I went to the bathroom and waited to see if the cramping would continue or if it was a fluke. At this point I was only 1 day past my estimated due date so I wasn't sure if now was actually the time or if I still had another week or so. When the cramping continued I decided to go back to bed.

When I went into the bedroom Sean woke up and looked over at me. I told him not to be scared or too excited but that I thought I was having contractions. He was very excited and also still disoriented from being asleep. At that point I was too excited to go back to sleep, having no idea how long my labor would be, I was unaware of what a stupid choice that was. I began doing all of my last minute prepping. I had laundry I was trying to finish and really wanted the house to be clean when we got back from the delivery. So I began doing all of that good stuff and after an hour or so I called my mom. I was very excited to tell her I was in labor and she was very excited to hear the news. After talking to her for a bit I called my good friend and doula Lorel. She was also very excited. It was a Friday and she said she had a feeling that this was the weekend.

I told them both I would call them back once things progressed. Since I was dealing with what seemed like pre-eclampsia towards the end of my pregnancy, the birth location and details were still up in the air. The uncertainty was not conducive to my confidence at all. I was very scared to birth in a hospital. I didn't want all of the interventions, I feared I wouldn't be strong enough to resist the interventions while in labor, and I didn't want anybody touching my baby once she was born. For all of those reasons, I wanted to be at a birth center. However my blood pressure stayed elevated at around 150/90 and protein showed up in my urine so it seemed that I might end up at the hospital. Wanting to figure out where I would end up giving birth, I called my midwife and she asked me to come to the birth center. Sean and I got all packed up, which took forever, and headed over to the birth center.

On our way over, our midwife called and said that she should have been more clear and that I didn't need to get packed because I would be returning home. We arrived at the birth center just as Lorel did and met our midwife inside. She checked my blood pressure and it was still high. She called the doctor, the on call Ob-Gyn who prescribed a medication to bring my blood pressure down. It worked right away but once the medication wore off, my BP would start to raise again. The midwife encouraged me to try to slow my labor and hoped that it would stop in time for me to get my blood pressure in check. Since I wasn't consciously doing anything to keep my labor going, I did not know how to stop my labor. She checked my dilation which was only about 1 cm, 50% effaced and at -3 station. Afterwards she sent me home with orders to rest.

Sean and I went home but the contractions stayed regular at approximately 10 minutes apart. We watched a marathon of the HBO series The Wire and moved from bedroom to bathroom to living room. I had one nap lasting about 45 minutes but kept being awakened by the contractions. It was a long night but I look back on it fondly. I remember sitting in the bath, him sitting on pillows on the ground next to me and us watching The Wire on the computer that was sitting upon the toilet. I wasn't really paying as much attention to the show as he was but it served as a good distraction.

Once morning came, I was exhausted both physically and mentally. Although the contractions were not terribly painful, they were just enough to keep me awake for 24 hours and I just wanted to sleep. I can remember hitting a breaking point at about 24 hours into the labor, sitting on the couch naked with a big yellow blanket wrapped around me. That was the first time I required a Hypnobabies track. Sean put it on and while I was not hypnotized the way most people think of the word, I went into a zone and was able to focus and regain power. I did not feel weak or helpless anymore. It was awesome! Now that another day had begun, we prepped for what we thought would be June's birthday. The day is a bit of a blur but at some point in the late morning we left for the birth center. I called my mom on the way to let her know and she was getting her hair done. I remember talking to her and Pat on speakerphone and us laughing about the pain I was in. I told her I would call her later as it became birthing time.

We arrived at the birth center and the midwife had me do some labor exercises. She told us to walk to the beach and back which I was not feeling confident about. Walking caused contractions which hurt, so my mind was having trouble accepting that I needed to be walking. I wanted to sit and be still and avoid contractions. I didn't think this part through. So we walked, although we did not make it to the beach. Walking downtown in labor on a Saturday afternoon was a funny thing. I would walk and then have a contraction which would be followed by Sean & I doing the labor dance. People were walking by and driving by staring at us. It was amusing.

After our walk we went back to the birth center where I was just hanging out on the bouncing ball, Sean got some food at Subway next door, I rocked in the rocking chair and then the bomb dropped. The midwife told me that towards the end of the day we would head for the hospital. I cried. I tried not to but then I realized I needed to grieve the loss of the birth I wanted so badly. Knowing that I was heading to the hospital we made some last minute efforts to speed along the process. She gave me a tea that was supposed to cause me to move my bowels and have much stronger and more effective contractions. For whatever reason, that did not work. Sean and I then went into a room and did another Hypnobabies track. It worked amazingly and I did fall asleep for a few minutes. Afterwards the midwife came in the room and checked my dilation. I was at 6 cm. She then scraped my membranes then we got in the car and drove to the hospital around 6pm.

By this time, my appetite had gone. I tried very hard to eat my protein bars as quickly as possible as I knew eating in the hospital would not be as easy. I remember my contractions coming hard on the way to the hospital. It seemed every little bump Sean hit or every time he hit his breaks I would have an intense contraction. When we arrived I was continuing to have intense contractions. The midwife walked me into L&D while Sean parked the car. The security guard asked for my ID and gave me a visitors pass even though I was very clearly 9 month pregnant, he could not tell I was in labor, I remember reading something like that in my Hypnobabies book, about how hospital staff usually don't realize how far along woman are due to their training with Hypnobabies. It turned out to be true.

I got settled in my room and at that same time Lorel, my mom and Sean's parents arrived. I met my nurse, who was truly amazing. I learned that they wouldn't be taking my baby away once she was born and I cried tears of joy. I told her that I didn't want any pain meds or an epidural and really could not be in my bed. She seemed apprehensive to make me any promises about my birth plan but said she would do her best. My contractions slowed down the first hour I was at the hospital. I suppose the change in my surroundings was the cause. The first few hours at the hospital were spent me standing in front of my the bed talking with Sean, my mom, Lorel, and Sean's parents. The contractions were coming about every 3-5 minutes and I was coping with them well. Around this time, I took a shower. Having the hot water run on my back helped my back labor in a truly amazing way. I never thought hot water could have relieved the pain as much as it did. I did not want to get out but due to my high blood pressure I was not allowed to stay in for longer than 15 minutes. It was a nice way to break the labor up and I was grateful.

After I got out of the shower, things began to intensify. I had a wave of slight nausea and thought it could mean that I'd be delivering soon. The nurse checked me and I was only at 8 cm so I still had more time. I was a little over 36 hours into the labor with no sleep and my energy was dwindling. I was summoning my last reserves of strength and just trying to get through the home stretch. Spirits in the room were still light and although I was exhausted, I was very proud of myself and that pride was keeping me going. Not to mention the fact that I was about to meet my baby girl. While contractions were getting closer and closer together and very intense, I never had any pressure or the feeling of the baby descending in my birth canal. For whatever reason, I chose to ignore that fact. After another hour or so of rocking and moaning and contracting the nurse checked me again. I was at 9 cm and nearing the end of my rope. I gathered all of my will and strength to get through the next round of contractions and make it to 10 cm.

After another two hours the doctor had arrived. I laid down to be checked once again and found that I was still at 9 cm. It was devastating for me. My body was running on empty, my contractions were slowing and I was at a loss. The doctor ordered a small amount of pitocin to get my contractions going again. I was very against it but when June's heart rate began showing stress my options were becoming more limited. I agreed to the pitocin and immediately regretted it. It felt like my body was a run away train. I had no control over the way I was contracting and nothing I did slowed it down. I remember looking at the window and wanting to jump out of it. Lorel looked at me and knew I wasn't able to take another moment of it and asked them to turn it off.

At the same time, I was being told that I needed to pee since I hadn't in a while. The nurse informed me that I was going to have a catheter in my urethra, which was literally one of my biggest fears. Having that stress weighing over me along pitocin and my exhaustion really turned the entire scenario into a nightmare for me. I remember thinking "this cannot be happening, this has to be a nightmare". I willed my body to pee and wanted it to happen more than anything and then with one sudden burst I peed!! I was so happy, it was such a weight off my mind that no one would be shoving a catheter up my urethra. I honestly was not worried about the baby coming out of my vagina, but horrified of a tube in my urethra - I cannot explain why.

Anyway, after they turned off the pitocin and I was able to urinate they checked me again. I was at 9.5cm and was allowed to begin pushing. My pushing lasted what seemed like forever but was just under two hours. I pushed, baby would descend, the contraction would stop and baby would go back up. She never really dropped. After 1.5 hours of this June's heart rate was starting to drop enough to require the doctor to take action. She needed to use a vacuum to assist me in delivering. At that point, I was so tired that a vacuum sounded like an amazing idea. The doctor placed the vacuum on June's head and during my contraction, I pushed and she pulled and June's head came out. The cord was wrapped around her neck so tightly and in addition it turns out I had a very short cord. This is why June's never dropped and wouldn't descend into the birth canal. The doctor had to cut the cord while just June's head was out of me.

After the cord was cut I pushed June's body out and they put her on my chest. It was the biggest relief of my life. June was on my chest for a brief moment and they took her to the table to do her vitals, etc etc. This was what I wanted to avoid all along. I wanted my baby on me and no where else. Sean accompanied her to the table where she was being examined. It turns out June was having trouble breathing. Her face was bright blue and her body was white. The cord was wrapped so hard around her neck that it was effecting her breathing.

I remember asking what she looked like since I didn't have much of a chance to see her. Everyone was saying how much she looked like Sean. I was in shock because I expected a little clone of me. Meanwhile, the doctor had to actively deliver my placenta. This was very traumatic for me. I thought since I had just delivered my daughter that I was done. I expected to deliver the placenta on my own a little later. It was excruciatingly painful and because I wasn't expecting it, it was horrifying. After that was said and done she gave me two stitches for my small tear and that was that. June was brought over to me and placed on my breast where she tried her best to feed. Her mouth was so little...her everything was so little. I was immediately head over heals and couldn't picture not knowing what her face looked like even though just moments before I had no idea.

After about an hour of laying on me, breastfeeding and meeting her huge family they had to take her to NICU. She still was not breathing well. I was in such a daze that I didn't really understand what was happening. They came to explain it to me and Sean looked like he was about to cry. I was like "stop being dramatic, she's fine" and he said "our baby is in ICU" to which I replied "no she isn't she just went to the NICU". Sean then spelled out to me what NICU stood for and the emotions washed over me. He went up and stayed with her while I took a quick shower.

Afterwards we both were just sitting with her in her little incubator. It was literally my worst nightmare. She had an IV in her little leg. I was heartbroken. It was everything that I didn't want for her first moments on this planet. Then it got worse. The doctor came over and told me I would have to wait 12 hours to breastfeed her because they needed to monitor her breathing. I was devastated. All I ever wanted was to breastfeed and to have my tiny newborn baby and see her rooting and to not be able to feed her was the worst feeling in the world.

 After the 12 hours went by they allowed me to feed her. This is when a new battle ensued. June began to show signs of jaundice which was not a good combination for someone who was not allowed to nurse for 12 hours on their first day of life. Since my milk was taking a while to come in they kept pushing formula. I had to literally stay awake 24 hours and sit in the NICU since they wouldn't allow her to come to my room. I sat there with her and every time they came to give her formula I would put her on my breast. She nursed every few minutes and when she wasn't nursing I was pumping to get every drop of colostrum I could in order to feed her enough to move her bowels. It was exhausting have to constantly fight off the nurses and endure their nasty comments and looks for not wanting to give my baby formula.


Even the LC recommended I supplement and through my exhaustion I allowed them to give her a bottle - she immediately spewed it everywhere and I knew that it was the wrong thing to do. Finally after 3.5 long days in the hospital we were released. We came home and have been enjoying our new life as a family more than anything. June Ryan is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, she is so very sweet and adores her mommy and daddy almost as much as we adore her.

YourWaterBirth.com Discount

I now have a doula account with:

If you are interested in purchasing a birth pool or one of their many systems or kits, please contact me for my discount code to get 10% off your order.

I just bought this pool for my own upcoming birth in July:

I got the set that comes with a liner and a cover.  I'm very excited since the fishy pool I used last time left a lot to be desired.  I know I'll definitely appreciate the handles on this one as well as the narrow shape when it comes time to push.

Yay for water birth!  :-D